Bad Girl

If this isn't bad, I don't know what is. I've kissed 4 different guys in the past week. That one at the library and three others. I went to a bar Friday night with a guy from one of my classes. I danced with some girls and it was so much fun! He wasn't acting that interested in me (he's really laid back). Then we went back to his apartment and just started messing around. Luckily, I kept saying no to the sexual persuasions. It was funny, though, all that goes by so quickly in a flash when you're drunk!

Thursday night I went to Windstar (a casino) with this dude who is 4.5 years younger than me. He kept wanting to hang out, also I was like whatever. But he was so sweet and complimentary to me, that I started liking him. It's crazy, though, he lost 500 dollars at the casino, but I just used 20. He wasn't too upset. We were holding hands and talking on the drive home. Then he came up to my apartment to "cuddle," and we started making out and stuff. Here's the amazing part: he's a VIRGIN! That is definitly a turn on! He didn't try to have sex, so that was a huge relief. Anyway, the next day he kept texting me asking if I liked him and trying to get me not to go on dates w other guys, but I played it coy. I'm not going to let some guy walk all over me.

Last night was by far the best. I had a date (going to the bar) with this guy I met a year ago online and went out with 3 times. He's 25 and a pro golfer, plus very polite, mature, and gorgeous. But we never kissed, so I didn't know if he was really interested ever. We meet up at this bar (I told him nowhere fancy!) with freaking valet parking. Yeah, I don't go for all that. Once I had a few cherry vodka sours, I was okay. We talked for a long time, drank a lot, and danced a little. Finally, when we were dancing and my inhibitions were fading, I put my arm around his neck and kissed him. He seemed to like it, so yay for no rejection! He said I have to call him, though. I hate calling guys.

On the way home, I convinced N, the 19yr old, to come over bc he'd just left the club. So he was really drunk I guess, but I was so glad to see him. I think I like him a lot. He kept telling me to come cuddle with him if I left him on the couch alone, and yeah, it was a great time. He might be too wild for me, though. He slept on the chair and I on the couch. He just makes me really happy to be around him.

So in all irony, guess who messages me today? Travis, sayiing, "I hate this, I miss you." Guys, what was I supposed to say to that? He wanted to break up bc of the ed and said we weren't in love, but now he misses me? I told him not to message me ever unless he wanted me back. So I don't know what he wants. I like being single, but in the future, I can't picure having a family with anyone else. I just know he's going to find a better girl than me and fall in love. I can't think about us or it hurts too much, so I just focus on other guys. What do I do?

The only good news of the week is that I managed not to b/p on Wed. Maybe I can shoot for two days this week. I want that abstinence back more than anything! Oh, even more GOOD news! I got the job at Br1ght0n! So over the break I will be doing that and taking a wintermester class. (And hopefully dating!) Just have to get this eating under control.