Halloween

I have a Halloween joke for you guys (kinda dirty!): Why don't ghosts have to wear condoms?
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Answer: Because they have hollow-weenies! Hahahaha, that was the cutest joke Ive heard in a long time. So, I've been doing nothing. Just eating and sleeping and sleeping. Luckily, my Wellbutrin came in the mail today so things should get better soon and we'll see if I can salvage my classes. I have a psych lab test in an hour and some homework to do so I'm gonna try to finish it before class. I'll probably do nothing tonight after lab. Fun. Anyway, ya'll have a safe Halloween!

Frustration

Well I was waiting to have a day or so of good news/eating to post again, but that looks doubtful. I just got a letter (on top of a dirty cookie pan) from my roommate about how I need to be more clean and do more in the kitchen, seeing as she just cleaned it, yaddah yaddah yaddah. Okay, there are like 2 dishes in the sink, no crap on the counters, and a bag of trash in a paper whole foods bag by the trashcan. It's way cleaner than my mom's kitchen ever was growing up at home! It doesn't smell, and there's no grime! It's also cleaner than my bf's kitchen EVER is! I mean wtf does she expect? Perfection? I guess we just have different standards, but I keep it so much cleaner now than when I lived alone. Here's a nice excerpt, "I am growing more and more upset aout the cleanileness or lack thereof....the dishes left wherever (NOT)....trash being left on the floor (NOT!)....If things don't change I won't hesitate to move home or to another apartment." Well, lol, the girl is so overexaggerating, plus she can't spell many of the words written, AND ALL the furniture NICE furniture in the apartment is MINE! So I say good luck to her finding a roommate as anal as she, and good luck finding a prefurnished apartment!!! In fact, I just might take a pic of the apt for my next post. Yeah, so I'm off now to shut my mouth and "clean" the clean kitchen.

*Update*
After a few days of ignoring each other and a return slightly harsh letter I wrote to her, she said something. Seems we'll both be compromising and I'll try to do a little better on my part. Maybe the binging will subside now? Well, at least that's one less thing to stress about.

Ice Cream and Anxiety

As I sit here, watching the end of Desperate Housewives, drinking my laxative tea, I'm filled with anxiety. Why? Because I ate ice cream for dinner. Sure, only 300 cals worth, and organic, but I still feel like a blown up ballon (with cellulite). My mind knows I've not overindulged today, but my body and emotions are in a state of overwhelming alarm. Earlier at Wal Mart, where I usually buy my binge food, the anxiety was pretty bad. I scrutinized each item I bought. "What if it's not organic? What would happen if I ingested fruit yogurt?" (Some sources say fruit is best only consumed alone because it ferments other food in your stomach.) Just CRAZY CRAZY thoughts running through my head. So the ice cream sits, in my stomach, but mostly in the freezer...just waiting...

Okay I can't binge today bc It's been a week withough abstinance. A horrible, sleepy, irresponsible week that I want to forget. Must be strong tonight bc I have therapy tomorrow. I'm not even gonna go into what's wrong with Travis and I, but that's not so great. I just need to hear that he loves me, and not in an email.

A guy at my school was found dead in his apartement. I read it in the school newspaper and realized I knew him. He was so friendly, outgoing, upbeat, someone you like to be around. My mom and I would go eat at the restaurant where he worked and he always waited on us. He remembered my name. I can't imagine how his friends and family feel. It seems like the ones who go early are so vibrant and special in their life. How ironic.

One more thing. I'm doing a research paper on the risk factors of eating disorders and have stumbled across some fascinating theories. Listen to this one, "They (bulimics) perceived their fathers as more controlling and less affectionate. Mothers were associated with perceived high levels of maternal affection and low levels of maternal control." That hit the nail right on the head. Pretty accurate description of my childhood. Not that I'm complaining, I'm thankful to have not been abused or completely ignored. The question that matters is "will I get these notecards for the paper done by Tuesday?" lol.

Okay, I'm going to do some work, take a sleepy pill, and try to ward of the urges. Happy end-of-weekend!