I am amazed to discover my blog has been read, and after reading numerous others tonight, I am so so grateful not to feel alone again. The past four days or so were tainted with bingeing and purging. I don't know how, but by some miracle, today was pure. My life is in such a transitory state right now, the excitement of it all is sometimes overshadowed by fear. I am getting over a two year relationship, attempting to finish college, discerning where my life should go, dating a lot, and had plastic surgery last week. Something I despise is the way society chides cosmetic enhancement. Does anyone question a mom for paying thousands on kids' braces? I just had my nose done, lip implants, and buccal fat pad removal. Surprisingly, those surgeries were far less painful than my introduction to braces. And don't get me started on tatoos. Though I don't have one, I think submitting yourself to a needle and permanent green poison is far from natural. So here's the bottom line on plastic surgery: we read or go to school to improve our minds, we socialize and worship to improve emotional connections, so perhaps its not so superficial to want to desire a prime exterior. Conversely, I don't think anyone with bulimia is an ideal candidate for plastic surgery.
Sadly, the main accomplishment of the day (aside from binge abstainace) was my workout. Well it was more the implimentation of a committment. One of my life goals is to run a marathon. Not to lose weight or anything competitive, but because it seems like an amazing thing the body could do with the complete support of the mind. That is my area of weakness: mind over matter, or mind over body. For some reason, my mind always loses. Except when it comes to not having sex, but thats another issue for another day. I just think it would be a huge accomplisment, and a boost in recovery if I could have the discipline to complete such a task. So today I ran...... about 2 and a quarter miles. Nice start, huh? So the marathon is in Sept. and located in Maui. Life is all about sacrifices and rewards. If I can sacrifice my laziness and train and complete this marathon, the reward shall be Maui. I can assure you, living in Texas, the nicest beach I've seen is Galveston. Brown and rocky. Not even South Padre. So I'm going to work towards this in any way that helps. The dreams are so hard, though. Do the dreams of gorging yourself on cookies, donuts, and ice cream ever go away?
BlogCatalog
About Me
- Beth
- Texas, United States
- I've been bulimic and in college for 6 years.It has taken away my education, boyrfriend, money, and friends.
3 comments:
Good for you on your running! I could never run that far! As for your comment about how you'd rather look like Giselle in underwear, I am with you on that! Of course I'd rather look thinner, I hate being overweight...I really hate it, consumes way too much of my thoughts, as I'm sure you can relate. I'm just happy to see women who aren't thin, instead of the usual tall, super thin models. Nice to get some variety...especially with women who look more like me, made me feel more normal I guess.
Take care,
Frida
Hello again! The eating plan is going ok...well, until I get home and get my little boy to bed. I try hard to keep busy, but that's when I'm most prone to B&P...and lately I haven't been doing as well as I'd hoped. But today is a new day, I'm sticking to my exercise routine, and liking it, so hopefully the rest will come into place. Thanks for asking!!!
xxx
Hi Beth,
I'm Miss Blue. I follow Emily, and Jane, and Frida, and as you will find out yourself, somehow we all find each other...I have to say something. You don't have to defend your choice for cosmetic surgery, but if you do, please don't compare it to braces or tattoos, or improving your mind. Having straight teeth is a health matter: it not only improves your looks, it's also a catalyst for healthy gums, healthy jaw joints, good chewing, digestion, and prevention of cavitites. Cosmetic surgery is something you do for yourself that requires you to go under a knife, and risk your life, for the sake of some ever changing standard of beauty. Please keep that in mind. As bulimics, we are somewhat superficial, and overly concerned with our looks. It's also a coping mechanism, and way of dealing with emotions. Hopefully, we all will overcome the need to be beautiful, and perfect someday. Just think : IF you didn't feel like you need to be beautiful to be more accepted, or more popular, or more admired, would you still undergo plastic surgery or be bulimic?
Post a Comment