I feel so lonely right now and hurting so much. Travis and I just broke up. 3 years off and on down the drain. He says he loves me but can't be in love partly bc of the ed thing. Whatever, he'll find someone better and love her and marry her. All that time in my life was wasted with him. I have NOTHING now. I mean it. School is so screwed up bc I haven't been going to class due to eating. I have no brothers or sisters, no friends, just nothing.
So now I hate bulimia more than ever. I kind of want to die I hate life so much. Just not be here. It would feel so much better. No matter what I'm done with bulimia. No more binging or purging. It has destroyed my life. I'm not giving in to it. Ever. Whatever it takes, screaming, crying, bleeding, drinking, smoking, fucking. I don't care. And I hate the "f" word btw. So bulimia has gone out the door, like Travis, to be a part of my life no more.
BlogCatalog
About Me
- Beth
- Texas, United States
- I've been bulimic and in college for 6 years.It has taken away my education, boyrfriend, money, and friends.
13 comments:
Oh Beth, my heart hurts for you because I know what you are feeling and what you are facing. I do. Let yourself cry and mourn for a while. It is OK right now.
I hope after a little while you will be able to see glimpses of a new life for yourself. One without ED and one with someone who truly appreciates you. This is it--this is the start down that road to something better.
In the meantime, please try to be good to yourself. Is there a counselor there you can talk to?
Beth I'm so sorry! Wish I could help! Maybe this'll get rid of your ugly monster? I don't know. Just know that you do have a man out there - maybe this'll lead you to THE ONE!
Oh man Beth, I'm sosososo sorry you are having to deal with all of this right now, I can hear and feel all of your pain and I am here for you.....as dg said let it go sweetie feel all the feelings don't run from them by other distructive things, you are amazing and beautiful and deserve someone who well be able to deal with all that is going on and trust me sweetie you will find it!! I hope you are able to hold on to the idea of no more b/p'ng because there is nothing better that you can do for yourself you deserve more!! Hold on and remember to breathe!!!!
xoxo lauren
I'm glad to hear you're throwing bulimia out the door but I'm so sorry about the breakup! They're so tough and just having to deal with battling something as big as an ED on top of that isn't fair. I have total faith that you can vanquish the ED demon and I wish you all the luck in the world <3
I know breakups are horrible and you probably feel alone and abandoned but you're not alone and if you ever want to talk feel free to IM me if you want (Anniesthewoman).
Think of it this way, you can now focus totally on yourself. No need to worry about any other person right now. Focus on keeping healthy and do things that make you happy...maybe even things you couldn't have done with a bf.
I'm sorry, honey, so sorry. You are so beautiful, you are worthy of love and you are so sweet. Hang on. The world needs lovely people like you.
xoxo
Sarah
Hi Beth,
I'm sorry about your break up. I know how you feel. I feel lonely at school all the time because I have no boyfriend and not many friends. But don't think that you have nothing because even if you think you have no one at this point in time, there are people out there who are waiting to meet you. Feel better!
-Beebee
yeah, smile Beth!! Beebee is right!!!
I just left a comment and it got deleted...rats!
Beth, you're a beautiful, strong woman and the world is a better place because you're in it. DG is right - is there someone you can talk to?
Please know that you're not alone. I'm thinking of you and praying for you, and God knows your heart and mind totally and he cares so much for you.
Hi Beth,
I have so much compassion for you. I was anorexic for a while about 4 years ago - it is so tough. I have healed my disorder mentality and behavior with living food and a lot of other healing work. You can and will do it!
go beth!! go beth!!!
Smile!!!
:D <-------- like this.
dg and lg- thank you for the support. Yes, I made two counseling appointments next week, so I'll just hold out till Monday.
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